bleckwoman

Ok. so I posted yesterday about how I have fallen off my journey and can’t find my way back. I got a lot of wonderful support and advice from people here. Thank you!

So I woke up this morning thinking that I could do this again, I could get back on track and be ok. I started out ok, but as the day went on I found myself eating things I shouldn’t be eating. I didn’t do any exercise today as I normally don’t on the weekends. I have been doing well in that department anyways, it’s the eating that is a problem. I just kept eating. I don’t even know why… I really didn’t want the stuff. I was knitting a lot today thinking that if my hands were busy I wouldn’t eat.. well that was wrong. I stuffed my face all day, some healthy things, some not so healthy things.

I am going to write everything down again like I use to, but I don’t know if that will make  difference. I shall see… I just wish my mind would get back to where it shoudl be…

It’s been a while since I have blogged. I have been on my journey now for almost 2 years. In fact in a month it will be 2 years. I started this journey to prove to my doctor I could loose the weight on my own. I proved that by loosing a lot before I went back to see her again.

My other goal for loosing weight is to be able to start a family. Well a few months back my doctor tried to assist my husband and I in that goal by doing some procedures to try to get us to the goal. WE tried three cycles of meds and crap and nothing seems to work. I was actually on meds for 6 months and it didn’t work. WE have been trying for 5 years  now and we have been on meds before and had procedures done. Nothing works. I am sorry if this is too much information, I just need to be able to explain what is going on.

So here is my problem… this last time the procedure didn’t work, I knew in my heart that, that was it. It wasn’t going to work and my chance to be a mother was never going to happen. After I had bloodwork and was told again for the 100+ time that I wasn ‘t pregnant I hit a low. I have been so sad and feeling empty. I have been struggling with my eating and exercise.

I can’t seem to get myself back on track.   I could make a thousand excuses, and tell myself I will get back there tomorrow, but it doesn’t happen. This week I gained back 4 pounds. I was at 73 pounds lost and now I am back down to 69. I am struggling and don’t know how to get back.  I was doing so good for almost 2 years and now I can’t control myself.

I have never been at this low of a weight or been wearing such a smaller size. I felt good until maybe 2 months ago when I found out that I wasn’t pregnant. Right now my hubby and I argue all the time because of the fact that I have been so sad and eating everything in the house. He thinks that we could still get pregnant, but I have given up any hope of that happening. This time of the year is especially hard on me becuase of all the family and friends that keep asking ” you have been married for 5 years when are you going to have a baby?” UGH!

I just need help I don’t know why I can’t find my way back but I need to….

I don’t know if anyone is interested, but I just started a Labor Day walking challenge. If you want to join go to the forum and leave a post on the thread!
I think this will motivate me and others to walk and get exercise all summer!!!

I was part of the 4th of July walking challenge and I loved it. Now that it is over I was thinking that maybe we should start another one for Labor Day. I know many people said that the challenge helped them push themselves, even if they didn’t make the goal of 100 miles.

So if people are interested I would be willing to start the forum for the Labor Day challenge to say walk 100 miles?  I know the 4th of July challenge really pushed me and I enjoyed it! Let me know if you are interested and I will start the forum!

I am a bit upset with my weigh in this morning. I worked really hard this week working out sometimes 2 hours a day, and for what… I MAINTAINED! According to this tracker I found online I burned 5713 calories this week and worked out for 10 hours. And I didn’t eat anything I shouldn’t have all during the week so how come I didn’t loose? I stayed on track with my points and drank my water, didn’t eat anything with too much sodium. I did everything I should have and according to the tracker for working out, I should have lost almost 2 pounds.

I just don’t understand it. I know I messed up last Saturday with the Easter Chocolate episode, but I didn’t eat 2 pounds worth of weight in that one time. I am just frustrated, I work hard and do what I should and still by body won’t drop the weight. Last year at this time I was dropping 2-3 pounds a week, and now nothing for like weeks at a time or I gain. ARGH!

Now I am heading back to work and won’t be able to find as much time to work out as I did this week. It will be back to maybe 30 minutes a day of working out.  It’s hard when you work so far from home and then have to travel so far to get home. I get home close to 5:30-6pm every night, exercise for 30 minutes, make dinner, correct the papers I bring home, hop on here for a few minutes, back to papers, and then at about 9:30 I usually collapse from exhaustion.

I just don’t know what to do, any more. I get everything right, and yet my body wants to hold on to the weight. HELP!!!

Ok, so I have been struggling with no loss now for months. My teammates suggested that I post my menu and see if anyone has any suggestions for changes. I welcome any suggestions!

I follow the points system from Weight Watchers so the number after the item is it’s point value.  I am allowed 32 points for the day and an extra 35 for the week.  I should also mention that I am diabetic and that is why I eat 5 times a day.

Monday   B-  1 cup oatmeal (2)  banana  (2)   splenda

Morning Snack (MS): light yogurt (2)  4 graham crackers (2)

L- salad/ w/ tomato and light dressing (2)    1 HB egg  (2) orange (1) 100 calorie pack (2) 2 cups V-8 juice (4)

Afternoon Snack (AS) : 1 cup grapes (1) 10 baby carrots (0)

Dinner:  turkey sausage (4)   1/2 cup rice (2) green beans (0) 2 cups milk (4) 1 cup canteloupe (1)

Total for the day : 31 points
Tuesday

B: 1 cup oatmeal (2)  banana  (2)   splenda

Ms: yougurt (2) cup of grapes (1)

L: 2 slices high fiber bread (2)   1 slice turkey bolonga (1)  1 cup cantaloupe (1) 4 graham crackers (2) 1HB egg (2)

AS: 100 cal pack (2) apple (1)

D: turkey burger on High fiber bun (5) mustard(0) salad w/ lite dressing (2)  2 cups milk (4) orange (1)

pt. Total : 30

Wednesday:

B:  1 cup oatmeal (2)  banana  (2)   splenda

Ms: yogurt (2) APPLE (1)

L: 2 slices bread high fiber (2)  slice turkey bologna(1)  cup cantaloupe (1) 100 cal pack (2) 10 carrots (0)

AS: cup grapes (1)

D: pork chop (5) 1/2 cup m potatoes (2) green beans (0) 2 cups milk (4) salad w/ lite dressing (2) banana (2)

Pt total: 29

Thursday :

B: 1 cup oatmeal (2)  banana  (2)   splenda

MS: yogurt (2) orange (1)

L: pork chop (5) salad w/ lite dressing (2) orange (1) 4 graham crackers (2)

AS: cup grapes (1) 10 carrots (0)

D: 3oz baked chicken (3) 1 cup rice (4) steamed broccoli (0) spray butter (1) 2 cups milk (4) 1 cup cantaloupe (1)

Total: 30

Friday:

B:   1 cup oatmeal (2)  banana  (2)   splenda

Ms: yogurt (2) cup of rice krispies (2)

L: 2 slices high fiber bread (2) slice cheese (2) cup grapes (1) 100 cal pack (2)

AS: cup grapes (1) 10 carrots (0)

D:  fish nuggets (6) 15 baked french fries (3) 2cups milk (4) orange (1)

Total : 30

So today was the day! I was so nervous this morning and ended up getting to the doctor early. I checked in and sat there waiting my turn. Finally I was called in and they did all the work up on me and took me to the room to wait for the doctor.

Well when she walked in she started looking at my chart and stuff and she is like you have lost weight. I was like yup! She asked me a bunch of questions about how I was doing it, then she said ” you’re doing good” I felt a rush of pride come over me and I said ” yes I am” and ” I am doing it all on my own, well mostly on my own. I did give all of my buddies here a shout out for being my support team!!!

We talked some more and  she kept telling me I was doing great. She did my exam and then she left the room while I got dressed again and  then I met her in the hall so she could go over some stuff with me. When I walked out of the room, she told me I looked wodnerful and that she wants me to keep going. That I look great!! And the last thing that she said to me was ” I’m proud of you”… I almost wanted to start crying.

My ego got so big after that visit!!!   I am so proud of myself. I am able to do it. I can do this for myself and so that I can have a child.

We also talked about my menstral cycles, being a bit more regular lately. She is happy wth that but woudl like them to be moe regular. She thinks that if I drop more weight it will happen. She also said that just because my cycles are getting more normal doesn’t mean that I  am ovulating, which I need to do in order to conceive. So she showed me how to chart my Basal body temperatures in the morning before I get out of bed. She wants me to do that for a few cycles and see how looks.  She woudl ultimatly like to see me down to 200lb or lower. She thinks that would be the best for me to conceive.

After my appointment today I feel like I have this new energy. I exercised for 30 minuets with the Wii Fit doing aerobics and yoga and strength training. THen I just used my elliptical for 25 minutes. And what makes me the proudest of myself is that I baked chocolate chip cookies the other day, and they are still sitting on the counter. I didn’t touch them all week. In fact I haven’t touched anything that I shoudln’t have been eating all week!  I was lost, but now I am found again. I am back on track and doing better than ever.

Today is the best day I have had in a long time. ” I’m proud of you” I keep playing that over and over in my head, as I see the doctor’s face with a huge smile on it and feel wonderful! Like all my work was worth it!

Curb Mindless Eating
Okay, you’ve all heard the term “grazing” — you know, picking at food throughout the day instead of (or in addition to) eating regular meals. This constant, indiscriminate eating — especially when you’re focused on another task, such as talking on the phone or watching TV — is the downfall of many a committed dieter, but it doesn’t have to be. If you’re piling on pounds because you eat when you’re distracted or bored, rather than when you’re actually hungry, try the following tactics to break the habit.

To curb daytime grazing:

• Don’t eat while you’re standing up, in the car, or on the go or when you don’t have time for a full, proper meal. If you sit down at mealtime and pay attention to every bite, you will be more relaxed, you’ll notice when you’re satisfied so that you won’t overeat — and you’ll actually enjoy your food!
• Don’t skip meals. I mean it. You might think you’re saving yourself calories, but it will only leave you famished and more likely to consume extra calories later on to feel full.

To curb nighttime grazing:

• Why do most people graze at night? Because they’re bored. If you’ve been thinking about taking up knitting, crossword puzzles, Ping-Pong, or some other hobby that will keep your brain busy in the evening, now is the time to do it.
• Brush your teeth. Food never seems quite as appealing when you have that fresh, minty toothpaste taste in your mouth.
• Try a cup of hot tea; the warm liquid in your stomach can help you feel satiated.

Ok all I am off to the doctor now. I will let you all know how it goes when I get home. I am so nervous!

As I sit here trying to figure out what to say to my doctor tomorrow. I realize, that she might not even be impressed with how I have done in a year. She might not even make mention of it. I am hoping that she does mention how good I have done. I need that extra push.

I have decided one thing though. I am taking a picture of me from before, from where I was when I started. I want to show her how far I have come. I am sure that she probably won’t remember how I looked one year ago.  SHe is my gnyo doctor and she only sees me once a year. I wouldn’t expect her to remember.

So I guess I am just rambling, but I am nervous about tomorrow. I just have this feeling that the appointment won’t go as I have seen it going.

20 minutes on my elliptical so far today! I got an unexpected day off due to a storm hitting the area. We have had really strong winds and they didn’t want the kids outside waiting for the buses. It’s ok with me! I needed a ME day anyways! Even though I am going to be on vacation all next week, but this was a nice surprise!

So I am doing well this week. I wogged 2 miles on Monday and Tuesday, and used the elliptical for 15 minutes yesterday. I have workedout for 1 hour and 20 minutes so far today, but I think I am going to go and play the Wii Fit some more.
I have been eating healthy this week too. Well except a small slip up this morning. I had a handful of Chex Mix and about 10 Candy hearts. But I am back on track and doing fine.

I go in 5 days to see my doctor, and I want to be down some mroe weight before then. I am hoping for a loss this week, but I have a feeling my body won’t cooperate. It hasn’t been for a few months. I think I have been hitting a plateau. I loose and gain back and loose and gain back. But the best thing is I haven’t given up yet.

I am getting excited for Valentine’s day. My hubby and I are going on another date night! We don’t go on many and this will be actually 2 in 3 months!

Well I am going to go do some more Wii Fit….