bleckwoman

First I want to thank all of my wonderful buddies on here who kicked my butt this morning when I was thinking of giving up…..

It’s been a long day, and I have done a lot of thinking. I was in a horrible way this morning and now I am thinking with a bit clearer mind. My hubby treated me to a movie today, and it was nice to get out. But it didn’t help me forget my weigh in this morning, especially when we were eating the free popcorn from the movie theater.. it was their grand opening and they gave everyone a free popcorn and soda. NOT A GOOD IDEA TODAY! I shouldn’t have had that..

So as I said, it has been a long day and I was able to do some thinking. I am still not sure what happened this week, was it the stress from what happened to Mike, or did I gain muscle from walking so much, or am I retaining water. I just don’t know the answer and the more I think about it the more it is just going to cause me harm. I have decided  to not dwell on the gain and to just work harder this week. Maybe instead of walking 2 miles a day I need to try to walk 3. I know I am eating well, so I don’t think that is the problem.  Well except the popcorn today… I am not going to let my doctor be right… I am going to work as hard as I can to loose this weight.

Thanks to all of you,  I remember my goal, and I can’t give up on my goal. It  is that goal that keeps me going when things are tough.  One day I will log on here to share with you all that I am going to be a mommy, and you will all be part of the reason for that. Your support is going to give me the strength to go on and to reach my goal.

Thank you all for all the wonderful words of encouragement and support. Thank you too for kicking my butt, and pushing me to keep going. It means more than you will ever know…..

I am so depressed, and angry and confused. I gained 2 pounds this week.  I don’t understand how it is possible. I followed my plan the way I have been following it the last 6 months. The only thing I did different this week is walk everyday instead of taking one day off. I walked 4 miles Monday and 2 each of the other days.

How could this have happened. I don’t know how to deal with it. Everyone will say it is ok.. it is just a number don’t be worried with the number…. but it is more than a number for me. It is an emotional journey  too. I am feeling right now like why bother going on and I know that isn’t good. I knew that one day there was going to be a gain, but it has been 6 months since I started and I was beginning to think that it wasn’t ever going to happen. I was doing so good and bamm! I gain 2 pounds. Maybe my doctor was right, maybe I can’t do this…. maybe it is too much for me. I am sitting here crying like a fool….. I don’t know how to go and face the day….. what I really want to do is crawl back in bed and hide from it.

I really need my buddies today……

of the weekend trip to the emergency room is over. I can get back into the swing of things. For those of you who don’t know my hubby was rushed to the emergency room by ambulance on Sunday. He is doing great now but it was a scary time for the two of us one in which I don’t want to go through again any time soon.

Now that things are getting back to normal at my house I am feeling like my old self. I have been walking every day, and eating right but just wasn’t feeling like myself.  I went for a walk tonight after I got home from work and finally I felt right. I enjoyed my walk even sped it up a bit.

Eating has been going well for me. I still have been sitting down on Sunday nights (Monday this week) and planning out the whole week in my notebook making sure to stay in my points allowance. I like writing it all out because then I don’t have to stand in front of the fridge or cupboard and wonder what I should eat for the next meal.

Well I am off to read a bit before I watch some TV with my hubby tonight. Have a great week! or whats left of it!

I am just back from going shopping for some new clothes. I decided to hit up the local thrift shop and get some”new” clothes to to replace the ones that have gotten too big. Well I wandered around the store and found a couple pairs of pants and jeans to try on. I went to the fitting room and started trying on a pair of 18W jeans….. and then I realized that they actually FIT!!   The size 18W fits!!!! It was just a few months ago that I started wearing a size 20W and now I am in an 18W. I am so excited and in shock!!! The best part was that they were only $5.99. I was like yes! Now that is a deal! I can’t wait for my hubby to come home and I can show him my new jeans and tell him what size they are!! I am now down 5 sizes in jeans from the beginning of my lifestyle change in January. I can’t believe it!!! To be honest with you I don’t know when the last time I wore a size 18 was. I don’t even know if I ever wore a size 18!!!!!!! This is all too exciting and awesome for me to handle!!! What a way to start off the weekend!

I better go get the jeans out of the drier and put them on before my hubby gets home!!!! I can’t wait to see his reaction!!! Take care buddies!

Okay so I had my doctor’s appointment today. I was thrilled with the shock in my doctor’s face when he saw me. He couldn’t get over how good I looked and how much weight I lost. He was happy with my progress. He told me to keep doing what ever it was that I was doing cuz it was working. He also lowered my evening dose of meds from 2 pills to 1 pill at dinner time! He wants to see how that goes for a while and then if the numbness and stuff in my arms doesn’t start to go away on it’s own then he wants to run some tests  to rule out stuff.

I couldn’t be happier, well wait I could be.. I wish I had the money to make an appointment with the doctor that told me that I would never loose the weight on my own. I want her to see how far I have come and how great I feel. I think I will save my money and make an appointment at the end of the summer to see her. Then I will be even lighter and I can shove it in her face and show her she was wrong.

It’s been a great day!!! Thank you to all who posted words of encouragement on my last blog! It means a lot to have your support!!

I was busy during the week last week, and then I was hit with it, on Friday. It is Aunt Flo, and I just didn’t do much but lay on the couch.

Maybe I should explain, it was both a blessing and a curse at the same time. A curse for the same reasons it is a curse to all women. A blessing because well in all my years of “having” Aunt Flo I always needed medicine to bring her on. The last time I took medicine was over 3 months ago, so it is no longer in my body. I managed to get Aunt Flo all by myself. This is a good sign…. It is a step closer to being able to have that child I want more than anything in the world. If I can get this regular, and all that would be a good sign. I lost enough weight to bring it on this month, so hopefully it will continue to come every month now. I just hope it won’t be as bad as it was this month. I was right down on the couch with horrible cramps!!

Anyways, I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and will let you all know what he has to say. Too bad it wasn’t with the doctor who told me that I would never loose the weight on my own. Look at me down 50 pounds since she told me that. This doctor I see tomorrow is a good one… He is understanding and he will be proud of me! I will tell you all about it when I get home….

O ff to bed I go…… I need sleep to catch up from this horrible weekend!

This is the message I just saw this morning!!! Yup that’s right, I did it!! sooner than to be expected… I got up this morning and for some reason decided to weigh myself again. When I stepped on the scale I was in shock and still am in shock!!! I lost another 2 pounds since yesterday!!! I met my mini goal and also lost 50 pounds total! I am so excited but also can’t believe it!! I don’t know how I did it either! I didn’t exercise yesterday at all other than gardening. I was super busy so I didn’t have the time yesterday. But I ate well, maybe I am catching up from the last couple weeks of loosing 1 pound or maintaining. I don’t care, I’ll take it!!!

So I entered my new weight this morning only to get this message:

I was like what? Congrats but you’re loosing too fast??? What is that all about. My scale doesn’t have the ounces, so maybe it isn’t exactly another 2 pounds but my scale shows that I weigh 265, so since that is all I have to go by, I am  taking that number! I don’t think 4 pounds in a week is bad! Look at the biggest loser, they sometimes lose 15-20 pounds a week. Granted they are working out a lot more than I am but hey does anyone ever tell them, your loosing to fast, consult your doctor!  I  think that kinda brings people down, but not me not today!!! I am off to get my house ready for my mother’s day dinner. Mom is coming later!

But first I have to set a new mini goal! I think I will set it for another 5 pounds, just so it is not such a long stretch and I don’t get discouraged! To think a couple weeks ago, I didn’t think I would make it past 270, now I am 5 pounds lighter and feeling great!!!

Finally, after a couple weeks of being at a stand still…….. I got on the scale this morning and it gave me a number not just any number………. It told me that avoiding stress does matter….. it told me that eating right and exercising does matter… because I lost 2 pounds this week!!!

I am now only 2 pounds away from my next mini goal! And 2 pounds away from loosing 50 pounds total. I also only have 3 pounds to loose for my Memorial day challenge. I can do this, that is easy enough! I hope to meet that mini goal next week.
I just have to continue doing what I did this week, stay away from stress, which at work is difficult lately. I worked really hard this week to do that and I feel lighter, not only physically but mentally as well! As I sat in church with my students this week, the priest’s homily was about the two types of prayers. There is the thank you prayer and the help me prayer. You can bet as I sat there I said a few please help me prayers.  Then this morning after weighing in I sent up a big thank you prayer! Thank you for getting me through this week and helping me get my loss!!!!

Have a great day everyone!

This week has been teacher appreciation week, and today our parents association had a luncheon for us. They had all kinds of good things, BBQ pork ribs, cheese potatoes, steamed veggies, fruit, salad, three kinds of pies. Oh so many things to choose from. So what did I end up eating? Salad and a few veggies and fruits. After the luncheon, I went and had my sandwich that I packed and planned to eat.
I was proud of myself for not eating what they had for us. I just sat there and watched everyone else eating, thinking to myself oh my gosh do you know how bad that stuff is for you?

I have done well with exercise this week. I managed to get a walk of some sort in everyday so far this week.

My biggest accomplishment by far though this week has been staying stress free. Now mind you I did stress a bit when I found out my nephew got hurt, but this week has been so much better than the last two. This week was the one that I thought for sure would push me over the edge! I had so much going on this week, but I did it! I remained calm 90% of the time!!! I just have to work on that other 10% of the time!

Now I just have to wait for my weigh in and see how I did!! I hope that you all are having a great week!

I have been so busy the last two days, with the Open house/ Art show/ Spring concert at work last night and then a faculty meeting tonight , it’s now wonders I am beat. I didn’t get home until almost 10:30 pm last night and I left my house at 6:30am to go to work this morning. I didn’t get home this evening until after 6 pm. But the best part of the last two days is that I have managed to stay stress free! I have been trying very hard to not let things bother me, at times it was difficult, but I made it through!

So I did manage to get some exercise in yesterday, I went for a walk with another coworker who also stayed at the school (we both live too far away to go home and come back between school and open house),and then today I got a 30 minute walk in after dinner before I typed a test for my students.

My eating was going well the last two days, except tonight. I set a goal to not eat after 7pm, which I haven’t done in like a month or more. Well tonight I just wanted to have some popcorn. I had it, I still had the points for it, so at least it wasn’t over my points allowance for the day, and it was 94% fat free. Listen to me trying to make it sound okay! It’s not ok! I feel horrible for eating it! I will have to walk longer tomorrow!

Well I am going to go get some shut eye. I am beat from the last two days and I want to stay stress free the rest of the week, so I want to be well rested to avoid anything that could cause me stress.