Have I avoided my Blog?
It’s been a while since I last posted, and I am wondering if I have been just avoiding my blog because my weight loss has been kinda slow these last few weeks. I even had a gain for the first time in 6 months. I just haven’t felt like blogging and you know something that is probably the worst thing I could have done.. Not Blog. But I sometimes just don’t know what to post, my life isn’t that exciting, in fact it is kinda boring.
When I blog I get so many nice and encouraging comments. It is so up lifting and motivating and one of the top reasons I love BS so much, all of the support!! My top reason of course is all of my buddies and my team the Heartbreakers!
These last few weeks I haven’t really been doing that great with the scale. I know that it is not always easy, and I shouldn’t let the numbers discourage me. I feel great, and I am down 6 sizes from when I began and that shows progress.
I just wish that when I looked in the mirror I saw a change. It’s like my mirror is stuck in the past. I will never see what I have always wanted to see. I have been trying to do what my buddy Brett suggested for us to do which was to say “Hi Beautiful” every time I look in the mirror. He said it would help boost our confidence, and well it worked for a while, but now I am just not seeing beautiful when I look in the mirror. I am seeing flaws and things that I need to change. I try to make myself look good, but it just never seems to be enough for me. I know that it sounds weird but I have never felt pretty in my life except for once on my wedding day. I felt like I princess that day and then when it was over I felt like Cinderella who just lost her slipper only I wasn’t getting my slipper back. I have had this body my whole life and it has been my prison. I am trying so hard to break out of the prison, but I seem to be going no where. I gained 2 and lost 1, and this week I just weighed myself this morning and doesn’t look like the scale will be moving again. I just need a good jump start again. I feel like I am loosing my motivation. I feel lost, and confused…..
I am sorry if I sound so glum and depressed I just feel that way this morning. I don’t get to go to school and see my students today, because I have to go correct a New York State Exam for our 8th grade class because their teacher couldn’t go. My class is my strength and my joy for the day (sometimes the only joyful things in my day except my buddies messages especially Sandy’s she always makes me smile). And when I don’t get to see them and teach them I feel empty. They are my kids, because I have none. I don’t know what I will do it two weeks when I am done for the summer. 2 Months without students isn’t going to be good for me.
I better go I have to get ready to go correct. Thanks for reading… sorry I rambled.. I have a lot on my mind!
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Hi sweet Julie, bend over… you know you got it comming! Absolutely nothing has changed since last week. (that’s the same you in the mirror, too) In fact you know Mike’s OK, that should be a relief. So why the big ‘boo hoo’ blog? Because you’re not losing fast enough? You know slow is better. Don’t sabotage your new, healthy lifestyle with impatience. Or because you won’t see your students for 2 months? Just think how surprised they will be to see the positive changes you’ve made. And what a good example you’re setting for them. You’re no teenager, you know if it’s worth the effort, it’s worth the time. As for looking in the mirror and not seeing beauty…. have you ever heard the expression, “fake it til you make it” You are trying to change the way you see yourself. Because it’s not the way the world sees you. It’s your poor self esteem warping the image.
I sure hope you feel better soon. Don’t make me come over there! (my dad used to say that)
Sandy can be tha bad cop, I will be the good cop.
You have this julie. We all go through ups and downs. What drives me bonkers is you give your unwavering support to all of us over everything and yet don’t give it to yourself. You need to go back to Sandy’s IMOBFF.
(((hugs)))
