bleckwoman

So I made it through another day. I have made a few decisions.

1) I am  going to only weigh in on Saturdays. Then I am going to put the scale away until the following Saturday. I am not going to weigh in more than once a week.

2) I have decided to limit my  intake as far as beverages go to just water  and fresh brewed decaf iced tea with an occasional  can of diet soda as a treat.

For the last two days I have been trying to drink more water. I have gone from struggling with drinking the water to drinking 66oz or more of water a day. I think that is pretty good.

I have also been using my BL dvd to exercise. Thanks to my friend Nicole, I now know that there is a low intensity cardio section on the dvd. I did not realize that and I have been doing the high intensity one for the last two days. It isn’t that I can’t do the stuff on the high intensity one, but at times I have trouble keeping up with the movements. I think I am going to go with the low intensity one for now and then work up to the high intensity one later.

My body is really feeling the work out tonight. MY butt muscles are sore and my legs as well.

Maybe this week will be my magic week. Maybe when I pull out that scale this week I will win the battle. Maybe just maybe I have worked so hard this week that my body gives up. Not gives up, but gives up the pounds.

As far as the rest of my day, well I still feel no ambition. and I sit on the couch and do nothing but watch TV movies. Hopefully once I talk to my doctor on Monday I will get an answer to what is going on.

Well I guess I will head off to bed. My hubby went an hour ago and I told him I would be there shortly. I got to talking to a friend online and lost track of time.

Thanks for all your support Buddies, I don’t know what I would do without all of you!

and no it wasn’t by Sandy (you know I love ya)

I did my Biggest Loser DVD for 40 minutes and boy did I get a work out. I was so sweaty when I was done. More so than I have been with walking. I felt good when I was done with it and later in the day felt kinda blah.

I am beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me.  My friend from work said maybe I am going through a bout of depression. Nothing major, just being a little depressed because I am not teaching this summer and that is my passion. I had to agree with her, maybe that is why I have been feeling down lately.  She suggested I go to the school next week and start working on my classroom. That will give me something to keep my mind busy.  I just might do that.

My friend also suggested that maybe my meds are still too high and that is what is causing me to have trouble loosing the weight. I had blood work done last week and I go to the doctor on Monday so I will find out then.  She also said that the one medicine I am on can cause me to feel lethargic doing the day which I kinda do feel that way in the afternoon.

I ate better today,and I am feeling better than I have been the last couple days. I have also been drinking my water! I had 88oz of water today. I filled my 22 oz bottle 4times today. I think that is pretty good, but I did have to go to the bathroom a lot.

Does anyone know if the time of day that you exercise has anything to do with your weight loss? When I was working I would exercise in the afternoons and now that I am on vacation and exercising during the morning I am no longer loosing. Could that have something to do with it?

last blog. I read them all and thank you for your support.

I seem to be in a “funk” that I can’t break out of. I did manage to walk this morning and I went a different route as someone suggested, and I walked to and from the store this afternoon but didn’t feel any better.

A lot of you suggested shaking things up a bit.  I don’t know what to do to shake things up. I have always walked and got results, or used my elliptical (it is in a room which the heat is unbearable in during the summer and I can’t even stand being in that room right now).

As for my eating. I have lowered my WW points as I have been loosing weight, so I am eating the right amount of points each day. I don’t eat a lot of salt so that helps.

Today I drank a lot of water to see if that would anything and all it really did was make me run to the bathroom all day.

I found my Biggest Loser DVD and I was going to try that tomorrow instead of walking. Maybe that will help.

I just wish that I could break out of this “funk” and loose so my motivation would be ok. I have tried hard, so hard today to convince myself that I can do this. I just wish my body and mind would get on the same track.

Thank you for all your support, it means a lot. I am just sorry I haven’t been a very good buddy to you all lately. I wish I could be more of a true inspiration and motivator to you all!

It has been a rough couple of weeks, well actually a month. Since my summer vacation started nothing good has happened on my scale. I have been working hard and nothing is happening. I walk at least 4 miles a day M-F, and I stay within my points allowance. I even have been using my exercise ball and still nothing. Two weeks ago I gained 2 pounds thinking it was my TOM and everyone said oh you will loose it it is water retention, well my TOM has come and gone but the 2 pounds have not.

I have been working so hard and it is really bring me down to not see results. I am beginning to loose my motivation. Everyone always says look at your graph and your are an inspiration, how can I be an inspiration when I can’t even inspire myself? Sure I have come a long way, but I seem to be stuck, and not going anywhere.

My problems is without seeing results on the scale I have nothing pushing me to continue. I am beginning to feel like why bother I won’t loose anyways.

I wanted to go back to work in September feeling even better than when I left and to be honest, I don’t feel very good about myself right now. TO be honest I look in the mirror and see a fat girl. I feel like my body is all bloated and I don’t like what I am looking at.

I need new motivation, I need to loose to get me back on track. I feel like I am to the point where I just don’t want to even try any more.  I feel like I am just going through the motions lately and not benefiting from them. I know it is normal to hit a stand still, but that is always when I start to get discouraged and give up. I need, really need to get through this. I need to somehow convince my mind that it will be ok if I just hold on, when my body just wants to give up. I just don’t know how to do that…..

The  Walk away the pounds Dvds?I was trying to find something that I can do for exercise once the weather starts to get bad again. I know this won’t be for a while but I am planning ahead.

I have heard somethings about them, but want to know more. I don’t want to waste my money if they are no good. If you have tried them, do you like them??? Are they worth the money? I found the following on Amazon.com :  Walk away the pounds Express 3 pack I can get them new from $20 or used from $17. I would like to order if people think they are good and give you a good workout.

If you have any information that would help me in my decision please let me know. Thanks

Okay, well I weighed in today and I gained 2 pounds for the week. It was TOM  this week and everyone says that is normal. I guess I can deal with that. But that means I have to work extra hard this week to get that 2 pounds back off.

I have been so busy today that I didn’t really have time to think about my weight gain until now. I know  that this battle is hard, and that we all struggle everyday with ups and downs. That is why when I felt at my lowest point today I was on here looking at what other people are up to.  I still feel cheated! I know that I didn’t gain all the weight in a week and it won’t come off in a week. But knowing what I did this week and seeing a gain is just like someone playing mind games with me. And what did I go and do today instead of walking after my yard sale?  I grabbed my book and sat on my porch and read. Now mine you it was 90 degrees and very humid, but that isn’t any excuse I should have gone anyways. In the back of my head I was kinda thinking why bother, I did all that work this week and I gained anyways. But in my heart I was like you should really be going for that walk.  This is where I need to really push, this is the turning point in my weight loss that I always get to. I get to the point where I sabotage myself. It happens every time.

I am working very hard to keep my mind in this. I am trying more than I can put in to words. I had a melt down on my porch today while reading. One of my hubby’s relatives called to see if we were coming to their child’s baptism, and we got to talking. She asked me when Mike and I were going to start our family seeing that we have been married 4 years.  I didn’t know what to say, or how to even answer. All of his relatives are like that, they say things and don’t realize how much they hurt me when they say that. They don’t know my problems with trying to conceive and it isn’t really their place to know (I don’t feel comfortable telling them about it). I know they don’t mean to do what they do, but it is so emotionally draining, when people ask me about why I don’t have kids. What they don’t realize is that we have been trying for so many years and we want kids more than anything else in this world but it just hasn’t happened.

Anyways… as I am having this melt down on my front porch, I wanted to grab Mike’s bag of M&Ms candies and eat until I burst. I had to work really hard to convince myself not to eat them. Thats why I am almost done with my book. I buried myself in the book and tried to get my mind off the emotional issues on my mind.

I am sorry I am rambling, I needed to get these things out of my head and I guessed the easiest way to do that was to blog them out. If you have made it this far, and are not asleep or thinking I am a complete lunatic then thanks for listening. If you are asleep or thinking that I am a lunatic, I apologize.

I stepped on the scale today and it is telling me that I gained 5 pounds since last Friday.  I don’t understand how that is possible. Sure it is my TOM, but come on? I have been working really hard this week and eating right, I just don’t see how that number could be correct. I am hoping that I will drop some of that before Saturday’s weigh in.  I think I am going to take off from exercising tomorrow, I have been so tired this week and need to get let my body rest. I have mixed feelings about that though. I want to loose so I feel I need to exercise, but then again I feel my body needs a rest. Maybe I will do half of what I have been doing.

I just don’t understand, how the scale could give me that number.

my lifestyle change and 200 days on Buddy Slim!! Wow it seems like only yesterday that I started this journey and now when I look back at pictures of me in December, I wonder to myself how did I ever let myself get to that point. 200 days ago I started on this journey and I am so glad that I found Buddy Slim and all my buddies on here to help me! I could have never done it with out all of you!

So boy do I see changes in myself since I have started this journey. I no longer make silly decisions about food. I think about every thing that I put in my mouth. I have been writing down everything that I have been eating in a notebook since I started. I am doing good on that aspect of the life style change.

I have been doing good with the exercise as well. When I started this journey I was lucky if I could walk around the block without getting tired. Now I walk 4 miles a day! And I don’t make excuses to not exercise. I go even if it is raining.

I know this now, I will prove my doctor wrong!!! I am going to loose this weight on my own and walk in her office and show her. She will be eating her words!!! I just wonder what her reaction will be? What will she say when I tell her that her comment to me, pushed me all these months???

Wouldn’t it be great if I could loose all 100 pounds before I go back to her office sometime in January or February?  I will work hard to do this…………. I am going to be able to do it with all of your support and help!!! Thank you all for making my 200 days so fun and making forget that I am on a “diet”. Love you all!!!!

OK, here is my attempt at the Heartbreaker homework…

Like so many of the other Heartbreakers, I too have been struggling with my weight since I was very young. Everyone in my family is over weight expect my two brothers. I have been trying to loose weight since I was very young I would say around 13 or so. I tried everything, and nothing I did seemed to work. I would loose weight and just gain it all back.  I was becoming very discouraged, and my doctors weren’t helping. My hubby and I want to have a family more than anything and the weight has put a stop to that. MY doctor told me that there was nothing more she could do to help us try and conceive unless I lost weight. She told me straight out that she didn’t think I could do it all by myself and that she suggests Gastric ByPass surgery. That day when I left her office I was at the lowest point I think I have ever been at. Here was my doctor telling me that I couldn’t do it, and that I would never have children unless I did loose at least 100lb.

That night I came home and I cried and cried and cried some more. When I woke up the next morning  I decided that I was wasn’t going to let that doctor be right. I was going to loose some weight and do it on my own.  Well I found I was struggling and couldn’t do it all alone. I went online and was searching for something to help me. That’s when I found Buddy Slim. I read some blogs and found that the people here were going through the same thing that I was. They were people who would understand what I was going through. For once in my life I was confident that I could do this with the help of my buddies on here.

Buddy Slim has given me the strength and the courage to face the world, and feel comfortable with who I am.  It has been 7 months for me on Buddy Slim and I have lost 57lbs.  I am more than half way to my goal!  Buddy Slim has become a place I can go when I feel overwhelmed. Or I feel like I want to eat something I shouldn’t. I just log on and blog my feelings, and know that someone who respond and give me the strength to fight my urge. When I feeling down I always have a buddy to cheer me up.

I think that part of my problem growing up was that all of my friends were thin and they didn’t understand what it was like to be heavy. When I would go on diets they were not interested in hearing about my issues or how much I really wanted to eat a huge bowl of ice cream. They couldn’t put their selves in my shoes because they had never been over weight and didn’t know how it felt. But on here, everyone has been there, they know what it is like.  I have never found a group of people that I have felt closer to than the people on here.

After being on Buddy Slim for about a month or so I found the Heartbreakers team. I am so thankful that I found them because you are all my rock! You make this battle so much easier, and so much more fun!  I don’t know what I would do with out you all!

I am also very thankful that Buddy Slim helped me find Nicole and Sandy. They have become two of my very good friends. They both know what to do to kick me in the butt and get me moving!!!! Thanks girls! Nicole- I am still aiming for the Oprah show!   Sandy- Thanks for being there and watching over me!

Well I have rambled on long enough. I don’t even know if this makes any sense. I know what I wanted to say, it just doesn’t come out in words that easy!Thanks for reading!

I was thinking today that I would like to loose another 15 pounds by the end of my summer vacation. I go back to work as a teacher at the beginning of September, and as I think of this I wonder also if it is possible at all. I don’t know if I could loose 15 pounds in about a month and a half. I would have said yes about 4 months ago when I was loosing 10 pounds a month. But my weight loss has slowed down, and now I am lucky if I loose 5 pounds in a month.

I just thought that if I could loose those 15 pounds before school started I would be more of an inspiration for my students and I would also feel so much better about myself.  I would really like to be a actual Heartbreaker! I know I know I am married but it would still be nice to go out and have people stare at me because I look good, and not because I am so fat.

Loosing 15 pounds by the end of summer would also give me reason to go shopping for a new work wardrobe. I don’t have anything now that fits anyways, but that would be a good excuse to shop.

Do any of you have any ideas how I could loose the 15 pounds by the end of summer? I am walking every day during the week, and eating with in my points allowance for the day.I don’t know what else I can do. Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

Sorry I am rambling, I have been feeling a bit under the weather today….. This heat is killing me!