Not sure what to put here today….
Okay, well I weighed in today and I gained 2 pounds for the week. It was TOM this week and everyone says that is normal. I guess I can deal with that. But that means I have to work extra hard this week to get that 2 pounds back off.
I have been so busy today that I didn’t really have time to think about my weight gain until now. I know that this battle is hard, and that we all struggle everyday with ups and downs. That is why when I felt at my lowest point today I was on here looking at what other people are up to. I still feel cheated! I know that I didn’t gain all the weight in a week and it won’t come off in a week. But knowing what I did this week and seeing a gain is just like someone playing mind games with me. And what did I go and do today instead of walking after my yard sale? I grabbed my book and sat on my porch and read. Now mine you it was 90 degrees and very humid, but that isn’t any excuse I should have gone anyways. In the back of my head I was kinda thinking why bother, I did all that work this week and I gained anyways. But in my heart I was like you should really be going for that walk. This is where I need to really push, this is the turning point in my weight loss that I always get to. I get to the point where I sabotage myself. It happens every time.
I am working very hard to keep my mind in this. I am trying more than I can put in to words. I had a melt down on my porch today while reading. One of my hubby’s relatives called to see if we were coming to their child’s baptism, and we got to talking. She asked me when Mike and I were going to start our family seeing that we have been married 4 years. I didn’t know what to say, or how to even answer. All of his relatives are like that, they say things and don’t realize how much they hurt me when they say that. They don’t know my problems with trying to conceive and it isn’t really their place to know (I don’t feel comfortable telling them about it). I know they don’t mean to do what they do, but it is so emotionally draining, when people ask me about why I don’t have kids. What they don’t realize is that we have been trying for so many years and we want kids more than anything else in this world but it just hasn’t happened.
Anyways… as I am having this melt down on my front porch, I wanted to grab Mike’s bag of M&Ms candies and eat until I burst. I had to work really hard to convince myself not to eat them. Thats why I am almost done with my book. I buried myself in the book and tried to get my mind off the emotional issues on my mind.
I am sorry I am rambling, I needed to get these things out of my head and I guessed the easiest way to do that was to blog them out. If you have made it this far, and are not asleep or thinking I am a complete lunatic then thanks for listening. If you are asleep or thinking that I am a lunatic, I apologize.
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Well, I think it’s great that you didn’t eat those M&M’s and instead read your book. And as far as conceiving goes, if you are religious then maybe you should tell people “I’m leaving it in God’s hands.” And if they still question you say “You aren’t questioning God are you?” and then change the subject.
But in regards to the weight gain and Tom, keep in mind that if the gain is really TOM then it’s just water and you don’t have to work “extra hard” to get that off. Water weight will come off naturally. You could have lost real fat this week only you can’t tell because the “water weight” is masking it. Look, just keep doing all the right things. You are having a down moment right now and TOM could also be the culprit for feeling down. If you are ever in doubt of the process then just look at that amazing weight graph to the right of this blog. I mean c’mon, alot of people can’t do what you’ve done! I hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you girl.
Hey there! I had been missing you! I am sorry you had a temporary gain this week. Your body will discard that weight and one of the themes this week on the blogs was the importance of rest and changing things up a bit, so don’t give the book read a second thought. I laid on my bed almost all day except for a swim and watched TV. I gave in to rest cause I have been working so hard and expecting so much of my body.
I know how words can hurt. I have a few stinging memories of things that have been said that never go away. One being the doctor who told me (because he believes it to be true, though now I know it is not) that I would never (In my mind he used that word) have a baby at my weight. I think I was like 200 at the time - definitely thinner than now, but had gained some that year so he was trying to scare me….scared me straight to the other doctor….lol….but the words still sit with me and I am not even close to married, so I know how it feels…
Trust me…it will happen for you, and it will be the best thing that ever happened to you. I believe in it and I believe that God does good things for good people and you richly deserve all His blessings….
You are an amazing person, and such a good buddy to me! Like has already been said that TOM weight is water, it will come off! Sometimes, I believe our body does need a littl rest. Good for you talking yourself out of those M&M’s! I know how words can sting and stick with you! I try hard and as the saying goes, I can forgive, but I never can forget!
I hope you have a better day today!
Big HUGS!
People are inconsiderate, the same thing happens to my BIL and SIL. They have been married three years and haven’t been able to get pregnant. People are always asking them. Brian says ” When I go to Rays house it is like birth control” Cutting up on my monsters makes it easier for them to avoid the question but my heart aches for them and for you.
(((hugs))) The day isn’t over, I see your greenlight on sign off and take a short walk around the block.
(((hugs)))
I think that even though you didn’t get your walk in, you should take pride in the fact that even though you were super stressed you stayed away from those m&m’s. Hang in there…it can only get better!