bleckwoman

As I sit here two days away from having to go back to work for the school year, reality finally sunk in. Most of my coworkers from last year are not coming back. They have all gotten jobs else where for the year. They were great friends and I miss them all very much already! I don’t know how I am going to deal with the year.

The one teacher in particular was my Weight watchers buddy at work. She and I have become like best friends. I know I will keep in contact with her but I won’t see her on a daily basis like I did  for  the last few years. She had become my best friend and it is killing me to not have here there with me all the time. She was the only from work one who understood what I am going through cuz she was going through it right along with me. She was the one who gave me encouraging words when I felt down at work, and picked me up again, and I did the same for her. She came over last night and I could tell she has been regretting her decision to leave the school. She told me that she misses me already too, so much that she wishes she could come back.

Who am I going to have now at work to be my Weight Watchers buddy? No one else  is in need of loosing weight. Who will tell me I look great today? WHo will ask me if I have lost more weight?

I know I have all my buddies here to cheer me up when I get home. Maybe I can find time to log on during the day too to get that extra motivation I need.  That would be great. Maybe I can cut my lunch short some days and check buddyslim before I go pick up my students.

Ok, so I am back from the doctor with news. I was right all along, I have arthritis in my knee pretty bad arthritis. I was told no walking for a few more days. My doctor said that if it gets worse to let him know. I am going nuts with not being able to do my walking as much as I have been. But I think my body does need the rest.
On other news… I got an unexpected visit today. TOM showed its ugly head two weeks earlier than I thought that it would be here. I guess it is a good thing it is coming more “regularly” about every other month, but I have so much work to do on my classroom tomorrow I don’t know how I am going to get it done. My first full day is always really bad, and the poor art teacher is going to have to deal with me cuz he is driving tomorrow!   So i am thinking that maybe my craving for salty chips earlier this week was due to me getting my TOM. That would make sense. It doesn’t really explain the being tired in the afternoons, but the doctor said it could be due to the bit of depression I have been experiencing.

So I guess I had an ok day. I am glad to know what is wrong with my knee but also sad to know that it is something that isn’t going to go away completely and that will hinder my walking for a long time to come. The hard thing is that there isn’t a lot to take for it  at least for me right now in case I end up pregnant on my own. I can’t be on a lot of the meds.
Well I am off to lay down on the couch for a while, darn TOM!!!!

WEll the other day my knee started to bother me. I had a lot of pain in it and I could hardly even put any weight on it. I tried to take it easy that day and was feeling better the next morning. Well that is until I went for a short 2 mile walk at a very slow pace. IT acted up again. It has been doing that on and off now for a few days. I have been wearing an ace bandage on it when it hurts and taking tylenol and that seems to help it for a while.

I was talking to my parents today on the phone and found out my dad has a doctor’s appointment on Thursday of this week. He sees the same doctor  I do and I am going to sneak in with him during his appointment to have the doctor check out my knee. I am beginning to worry that it is something serious seeing that the pain has become more intense and lasts longer each time. It is usually triggered by walking down the stairs or standing up after sitting.

So due to this stupid knee pain I am finding it hard to get in my walking, and I really don’t know what other kind of exercise to do that doesn’t involve me using my knee. I thought that I could do the BL DVD but that has so many lunges and things that my knee would never make it. Then I thought that maybe I could use my Walk away the pounds dvd’s but that would be worse than trying to walk outside. I have to keep my body moving but I don’t know what to do. I just hope that this knee thing isn’t something too serious, I don’t need that right now.

Then you need to get to the forum and weigh in or send your losses, maintains, or gains to me directly! April isn’t doing weigh ins this week. I am doing them to help out!

I am missing results from the following Heartbreakers:

K athleen

Heart

Nicole

Gail

Babs

Megan

Michelle

Sue Ellen

Kim

Where are you??? I need your weigh in by tomorrow morning at 9am!

So here I sit, trying to write this blog so that I feel better. I did something  today that I know I shouldn’t have done, but I don’t even know why I did it.  I went way off my points today. I ended up eating way too much and it wasn’t good things that I ate. I ate everything in sight today.

I don’t even know why I did it. I haven’t done anything like this since December. I just started eating and didn’t stop all day. It was horrible, I tried to stop and couldn’t do it, I just kept eating popcorn, ice cream, pretzels. I feel horrible now that I think about what I did, but I don’t understand why I did it. I have been so good until now, and with my knee being sore I couldn’t do much walking today so that makes it worse. I hope that I am able to walk tomorrow.  I have to off set what I did today. I really need to go back to work and be away from food all day.  I need to be busy, I can’t let this happen again. I have to prove that doctor wrong, and this isn’t going to help me do that. But why did I do it??? I knew I wasn’t hungry but I ate the food anyways.

I have no only let myself down, I have let my team down. I am hurting so badly right now. I am just going to go and try to  put this is the past, and try to work harder tomorrow. I don’t know if it will be enough…..

So I was looking at pictures of myself from back before I started this life style change. I can see a difference in myself. t felt so great. I thought that I would share with you some of my pictures so you can all see my progress thus far.

So I ended up with a 2 pound gain for the week which I can handle compared to the 10 pounds that the scale said earlier in the week. But here is the best  part. My buddy Jammie, explained to me that because my doctor had me stop taking my Blood Pressure meds when I went to see them on 8-4, that causes water gain. See the meds were helping my kidneys get rid of the fluid I didn’t need in my body because I am diabetic. When I stopped taking the meds it took a while for them to get all out of my system seeing that I was on them for so long. But now that they are out of my system my body has developed extra fluid and that is where the weight came from.

It makes me happy to know that this is only a a minor set back and that according to Jammie I should be back in the loosing game hopefully next week. It is nice to have an explanation for gaining the weight, because I wasn’t  able to wrap my finger around it all week!

It also makes me so happy to know that I have buddies who are looking out for me and helping and pushing me all the way!!!!!  Damm my doctor for not telling me that I would gain weight after stopping that meds. Now I have to work harder to get back to where I was!

Well I am off to have a busy day. I’ll check back soon….

As I sit here in front of my computer, I feel sadder than I have all summer.  After stepping on  the scale this morning and see such a gain, and then even buying a new battery for the scale and not seeing a whole lot of a difference with the new battery I just don’t feel that great.

I am truly missing my friends from work, and then I realized tonight that there are no Friends left at work other than the art  and spanish teachers. I am planning on going to the school tomorrow to work on my classroom, but my heart isn’t in it. I have a pile of things that I wanted to do over the summer to prepare for school and here I am 3 weeks before school starts and I haven’t even picked up any of it. I am hoping that tomorrow I will get my self into the mood, and get out of this sad mood. I need to start focusing on school and getting things ready for my students. I need to get back my motivation that I had in June before this “funk” hit. I need to have my mind on other things besides what will the scale say. It has been hard to avoid the snacking while I am home all day. I have been really good about it, but it will be nice to be at school all day again where I don’t have to worry about it so much.  I pack my lunch and snacks and that is all I have to worry about.

I just don’t get this whole “funk” thing in the first place. I am normally a very happy person. I have never felt like this and it has been bugging me a lot lately. I know it is partly the meds I was on and which I am no longer on, and the other part is missing work and being home all day by myself while my hubby is at work.

Thanks for listening. I am hoping that tomorrow morning when I step on the scale it will not still be saying that I have gained 10 pounds. It just isn’t possible.Hopefully my scale just needs to adjust to the new battery I put in it. Good night all!

WEll I spent the day shopping yesterday with my mom. WE were trying to find me some new clothes for when I go back to work seeing as all my current pants are too big. WEll I had no luck. Sure I found pants that would fit, but then the length was like 3 inches too long and I don’t wear heels! I wasn’t about to pay $40-$50 a pair a pants and then have to shorten them myself. That I think would be a waste. I can’t seem to find pants that are the right length, not even the petite pants are short enough.

Then to top off my day yesterday, I was stupid and got on the scale this morning. WEll the scale told me that I have gained 10 pounds! I don’t see how that is possible, I have been working hard and following my diet.  I just don’t  get it.   I have been having these cramps now for days, but I have no period, and this was suppose to be the month I skipped seeing as my cycles are not regular. I don’t understand what is happening to my body. All I know is that I keeping thinking that TOM  is suppose to be here or something, but it’s not. I just don’t think I gained 10 pounds in so little time especially since I have been staying on points and exercising.  ARRGH!!!!!!! Sorry for the vent, I just wish I knew what is causing these cramps!! And why they don’t make pants for short people!

So as I sit here typing I am reminded of a reality check I had a day or so ago. I was visiting with my family and my nephew was there. He is two and will be three next month, he like to be twirled around and stuff. Well I was struggling to keep picking him up because he was heavy to me. So I said to my brother, how much does this kid weigh. HE says oh he weighs 42pounds. I was like I lost more than that. Then I got to thinking that 8 months ago I started this journey and was carrying 61 extra pounds on my body. I was lugging that weight along and here I am now struggling to carry my nephew who weighs only 42 pounds.

I didn’t realize how far I had come until I looked at  my nephew and thought my gosh I lost a Jared and a half. I mean sure I knew I had lost 61 pounds, but that was just a number.  Now I have a visual to go along with it! Now every time I see my nephew I will have an even bigger smile on my face! I will pick him up and give him a big hug and know that I will never have to carry that extra weight again!  I have lost a small child and a half!