New Pictures…
So I had someone come and take some new pictures of my husband and I. The only pictures we really have of the two of us together are from our wedding over 4 years ago. They make me feel sick when I look at them and see how large I was in the pictures. They are hanging all over our house too. Sure some days I look at them and feel blessed to be reminded how much I have lost and how good I look now, but other days forget it!
So I posted the new pictures in the heartbreaker forum from last week.My buddy Sandy said that I look so great and that she sees so muchlove between my hubby and I. She said that we look so happy and that if I was as happy on the inside as I look on the outside, then I would be great. That got me to thinking, I am not as happy inside. I have been battling depression all summer and still have my moments now.No matter what I do, those moments don’t seem to go away. I am not happy on the inside, I am sad and unable to shake the feeling. Sure when I am around others I can put on a smile and fakefeeling great, but deep down inside I am crying all the time.
I wish that I could feel as good on the inside as I do on the outside. Things just don’t seem to go that way for me. I think it is the fact that wehave tried for so long for that family, and it doesn’t happen. I know someday that it will but right now that knowledge isn’t enough to make me feel better. especially when it seems like every one I know is pregnant, or everywhere I look I see a happy family, or expecting couple. I am sure that one day I will get my chance, but what I don’t understand is why I have to wait for so long when there are people out there who don’t even want kids and they are blessed with them. Another reason I am depressed is that my hubby doesn’t bother with me as much as he use to when we were first married. He spends a lot of his time in his office on his computer while I am watching tv or making dinner and folding laundry or what ever I am doing. I need the attention. I have mentioned this to him before, that I need to feel that he loves m. BUt then I feel like the attention he gives me is force. Like he doesn’t want to be bothered.
O well, hopefully this week will go better. Maybe it will be an up week for me. All I know is that I could really use a hug, and a nice long walk but it is too late to walk tonight.
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Here’s a (((hug))) from me. I know it’s not as good as one from Mike, but it’s all I’ve got. I’m sorry you’re feeling down. I was depressed for almost two years and fought my way out of it with church, choir, and water aerobics class. I still have problems with it from time to time and am thinking of finding some kind of charity or volunteer work to give me some positive energy. Being retired is hard. I feel so useless some days, and I can easily become isolated. Take care sweetie, lym
Girl, you look amazing! You can see the love glowing from those pictures. I too am battling a lot of those emotions you are. Sure my hubby and I have been married 10 X longer, but I still want that attention too. I have talked to my hubby, and it has helped some. Don’t think your hubby’s attention is forced. I think that men just think different and they just need to be reminded once in awhile. I too have been battling some depression for awhile. I have a doctors appointment this morning. Nothing really wrong, but we just got insurance and have not had any for a long time. My doctors office told me it had been 7 years since my last appointment! They set me up for just an office visit for this morning and I am going to tell her about how I have been feeling emotionally.
I hope you have a great week!
Big HUGS!
I hope you and your hubby reconnect. get his ass off the computer and with you. I hate my outsides and wish I liked them like I do my insides (((hugs)))