bleckwoman

Well, I never thought that a year ago when I decided to start on this journey that I would be where I am today. Tomorrow will mark one year on this site and one year of being on my lifestyle change. I have come so far in that year, and I owe most of it to this site and all the wonderful people I have met on here. Especially my acountability buddy Sandy!!!!! my heartbreaker buddies, and Nicole!! I don’t know what I would do with out you all!

You have made this journey so much easier, there is something about knowing that you have a friend that understands and is going through the same thing that makes it easier to deal with!

So I haven’t gotten to where I wanted to be in a year, but that is ok! I have come so far and I am feeling great! I have lost 66 pounds. I can walk more than a block, and I know better with my eating! I exercise at least 3 times a week and when I am off from work, every day! I have dropped 5 sizes in jeans and all my other clothes. I am feeling on top of the world, knowing that I did all that in a year. If you would have asked me a year ago when I first found this site, what I wanted to do I wouldn’t have had an answer. It has been a long journey, one that is no where near being done, but one that I know I can handle as long as I have all the support of my buddies!

I don’t know why I didn’t find this site a long time ago! Love to you all!!

I had some friends over and I did something soooo wroing! They all wanted to order pizza and wings for dinner. So we did, and I ate a sandwich instead. But they all just left and well I broke down and are a small square of pizza and some wings, like 6. I am going to be so sick later from all the grease. I don’t even know why I ate it… it didn’t taste that good, and I wasn’t hungry. I just don’t know what is wrong with me! I am going to gain for sure doing that. I think that today was just a rough day for me and now I really have to work extra hard to get this weight off! I can’t be doing that…. I am so mad at myself!

It was like I didn’t even care that I am trying to loose weight. It was like second natrure for me to just grab the food and shove it in! Not good!!!! I have to get back on the wagon right away and stop this self distructive behavior!!!!

So I just don’t understand it, I was good all week and yet I manage to gain 2 pounds. I really and getting discouraged. I am approaching my one year mark with this journey and I am reversing my progress. I am going in the wrong direction.

I was so good this week. I followed my plan copmpletely, I got in two days on the elliptical and one day of snow shoveling for an hour. So I got my three days of exercise in. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I drank my water and all that jazz.

I mean I know everyone is going to say it is ok, it happens and you will loose the weight. But that is not the point. I feel like my body is fighting me and that my body is going to win. I feel like my worst fear is going to come true and that I am going to gain back all the weight that I lost.

I am going to work hard again this week and see how it goes. Hopefully I won’t have a gain again.  If anyone has any suggestions for new exercises that don’t take a lot of time and will help me out please let me know.

Well I have gone and fallen off the wagon the last few days, so far off that I don’t know if I can get back on. I took a personal day from work on Friday and spent the day eating everything in my sight and now today we were baking cookies for Christmas ( family tradition) and I was sampling all the cookies. I knew better but I just kept shoving them in my mouth. I haven’t done this stuff like this since I started this journey almost a year ago. I just don’t understand why I am doing it.  I have come so far and now I feel like I am sabotaging myself.

I know I need to continue this journey, but I am afriad that I can’t get myself motivated again. I have been trying the last 3 days and it doesn’t seem to work. I tell myself that I am going to stop, but I don’t. I know I am wrong but I am continuing to do it. I am feeling helpless and afraid. I am afraid that I am going to go back to gaining all my weight back.

Watching the Biggest Loser yesterday ( I DVRed it) I understood Bob’s concern for Vicky, that she was going to gain all the weight back after she left the ranch. Because she didn’t learn anything. I was feeling that nightmare as I watched it. But I have learned something, I know that it is important to exercise and eat healthy it makes you feel great. I can give other’s advice, but  I can’t seem to take it myself this past couple days, ok couple weeks.

I need a good kick in the butt, I need to find my motivation again, I have lost it and I’m afraid that if I don’t find it soon I am going to continue in this downward spiral.